Makes me dream....
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
So, I haven't posted in a long time. Mostly because my life isn't that interesting, and that hasn't really changed tonight. Justin and Maureen's wedding was amazing. I am so happy for them. They are so perfect for each other and look at each other with such love. It made me want that. I love my life right now. And yes, in 3 months I will need to find a job and will probably be living on rice, beans, and ramen, but I'm still happy. I've been lonely lately, though. I hate that I go through these periods. Part of the problem is that I'm not as busy as I've been so I have too much time on my hands. Another problem is that the majority of the time that I spend with other people is spent with an 11 year old. I think the worst part, though, is that I haven't had a good date with a guy since Chris. God, that's embarrassing, but it's true. It makes me worry....I don't know. I know my head is just sort of fucked up. I get like this when I start to get lonely and depressed, but at the same time, there's some truth to it. I haven't met anyone that I really like. Plus there's other shit that I'm not going to post here.
Sometimes I just wish that it were easier. I know that nothing is ever easy, but sometimes I just wish that something could be.
Current mood:  lonely Current music: Hey Pretty - Poe
Sunday, July 19, 2009
So my mom was telling me a story about when she and my dad lived in Baltimore. They lived in a less-than-upscale neighborhood. One day they bought and planted a few bushes for the 3 x 5 patch of dirt out front. Within two hours, they looked outside, and someone had stolen their bushes! Not sure but I find this story hugely funny.
In other news, summer is going well. Babysitting a lot and working out (good for fitness and mental status.) Also working on my thesis. I'm reading books about strippers, porn, feminism, and a performance artist who liked to remove her clothes. I love my thesis topic!
Saw Public Enemies last night. I love Johnny Depp!!!! Enough said.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
So as of this morning and the end of my slide exam, I am finished my second term of graduate school. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I am very happy to be able to relax a bit after being under so much stress, but at the same time, I'm sorry that my classes are going by so quickly. I really love this program!
Prime example: Agnes Gund's art collection, which we visited last week:
http://www.wmagazine.com/artdesign/2009/01/agnes_gund
This woman is freaking amazing! I want to be her (or her best friend!) The collection was so cool. These paintings are in books and art history lectures. Fab story about a drawing of a flower in her collection: Elsworth Kelly was in the hospital, and Aggie Gund sent him flowers. So as a thank you, he sent her a note and a drawing of the flower. It's a gorgeous drawing and is now hanging on her wall. It's probably worth thousands.
This was an awesome beginning to the weekend from hell. I spent 22 of 48 hours working on my horrendous group project because two members of my group are incapable of doing work ahead of time. I'm impressed I didn't hurt someone (or at least yell.)
Now I am celebrating that I can relax by watching tv and drinking some wine guilt-free. Hell yeah!
Current music: freaking Nannerpus song
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So, Kevin Sorbo is in Meet the Spartans. He sings and dances. He is ripped and wears leather underwear. How old is he now? He looks exactly the same!
And yes, I have now seen Meet the Spartans. Amanda (the girl I babysit for made me watch it.) It's actually fairly amusing.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/arts/design/02rose.html?ref=design
Stupid people.
And speaking of stupid people, today we had a panel on curators. It was really interesting, but stupid Buffy Easton was there. I'm not going to touch that she goes by Buffy. What grown woman keeps the nickname buffy??? Anyway, at the end of her speech, she started to give her little speech on the horror of moving the Barnes Foundation. For those of you who do not know about the Barnes Foundation, it is a museum that was begun by an eccentric man named Albert Barnes. He collected massive amounts of Impressionist and Modern Art and created a school of art and architecture. When he died, he created a foundation/museum and stated in his will that none of the works could leave the house, ever. The museum is located less than five minutes from my house, and I absolutely adore it. I love the fact that it's in an old house and exactly the way he left it. It's a strange way of displying art and so cool. That being said, it is located in Merion, PA. People who live in Merion are rich and obnoxious, and they have been slowly killing the Barnes for years. Their mega-mansions grew up around it, and they have slowly petitioned the township to ruin the museum. They have regulated the number of days that the museum can be open (3 days a week for 10 months a year and 5 days for july and august) and the number of people who can come in a day. No one can park on the street, and since so few people can come, the entrance fee and parking fee is high. School groups can't really go (especially city school groups) because of the limited number allowed in a day. The building is in disrepair. It's old and needs to be renovated to ensure that the artwork remains in good condition, and there is no money for the institution to remain open. It's going to slowly die. So the foundation decided to try to break Barnes' will to move the museum so that it can survive. And those Merion idiots had the audacity to sue to try to keep it in Merion because all of a sudden, it's important. Of course, don't ask them to do anything to keep the museum alive like not being selfish assholes. Now Buffy's support of the Merion idiots pisses me off for a variety of reasons:
1) She was talking about curatorial responsibility and implied that the works of art weren't being honored. Does she not know about the fucking situation the Barnes is in? Is it responsible to let the collection fall apart because of the environmental conditions of the galleries?
2) She is so obnoxious about it. The foundation finally won the suit, and she acts like it's the end of the world.
3) It is so presumptuous to think that Barnes would want his will to be honored to the detriment of his entire collection.
I hate that the Barnes needs to move. I think that's what pisses me off the most. I love the building. I love everything about the museum. And I despise that she is so short-sited. She wants the museum to survive but refuses to acknowledge the reality of their fiscal situation. God, these kinds of people piss me off!!!!!
If you'd like to read more:
http://www.barnesfriends.org/
OK, enough ranting. I'm actually in an awesome mood. Kind of manic and crazy but feeling really awesome. Must finish my Duchamp paper now....really hope I can sleep soon...
Current mood:  bouncy
Friday, December 26, 2008
So the crazy person is back. She hasn't been here for a few months, and I was hoping that I was rid of her, but no, she is back. Fucking back. Granted, she isn't nearly as bad since the start of the new medication, but none the less, it sucks that she's back. I have been able to feel it coming on for a few weeks now. It starts with the depression and dullness (which is still here) then moves into the crazy person.
I was reading a book of short stories recently, and the woman in one story had PMDD so for about 24-48 hours once a month, she turned into the crazy lady too. It was the first time I have read an account of myself from the past 2 and a half years that was so accurate. The author writes "I feel as if the devil and all his distant cousins possess me. I am being tormented and tortured by some unknown force I cannot touch or feel. It's like somebody else has taken over my body, mind, and soul. There is a demon spirit inside me, telling me to do inappropriate things, prompting me to say hurtful, offensive words, urging me to be the meanest bitch that ever walked the earth." Of course, for her it was only 1-2 days a month. For a while I was like that 3 and half weeks out of the month.
Like I said, I'm better now, but I still hate that I'm like this. And the worst part: it will never fully end. Before I always had hope. Social anxiety can never be fully overcome, but I am living proof that you can make great strides. Depression many people can get past. But I've been diagnosed with something that you don't get past. You don't go off the drugs ever. In a way, I'm happy because, let's face it, whatever works is always a good thing. But at the same time, I've already driven people away with this disease. What if I drive away more? What if the meds stop working? What happens if I ever want to have kids? Will anybody ever be able to put up with me and the possibility that the demon could awaken at any moment 24/7?
I know that part of the problem is the holidays. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I'm totally the crazy Christmas girl who, when I have money, will turn my house into a winter wonderland every December. In have had a great holiday with my family (who are amazing.) But the holidays are tough for single people. I'm also bored. I don't do well with massive amounts of free time. Up to 2 weeks is great, but after that I start to go a little crazy. And when I get like this I am even less inclined to do anything, even though I know it would help. So I know what has set off my special mood, but I need to snap out of it. We're going into the dangerous months. February and March are always the worst for me and my moods, and I can't bear to repeat last year.
Basically I need to get up at a decent time tomorrow, go for a run, do some errands, and then try to fill the rest of my day with anything I can. Anything. And I need to stop bitching at my sister because I am only home for so long, and I need to not be the uber bitch the whole time. I also apologize in advance if I snap at anyone over New Years. I swear I don't mean it, and I will be trying my best not to. On the upside, I usually am more even toned in big groups of people.
Alright, enough moaning. My family and Aunt May and Aunt Pat are going to see Milk tonight. Very excited.
Current mood:  crazy Current music: Hey Pretty - Poe
Friday, December 19, 2008
I haven't written anything in a long time so I thought I would just let people know that I'm still alive. My first term at Christie's Ed is over, and I absolutely love it. I've met some great people (including my roommate, Jocelyn,) and I'm, overall, really happy. I am attempting to enjoy my free time because on January 5, my life will be over as I return to school and sitting. By the way, babysitting rocks. I mean, we all know I'm not a huge fan of small children, but Amanda actually likes me! She's a pain in the ass, spoiled, and slightly manipulative, but let's be honest, I've dealt with those traits in adults, why not in children? She wrote me a poem for Christmas that was so sweet.
I was in CT this past weekend and got to catch up with a bunch of folks and get to know a few new ones. Not always a fan of new people, but I liked the ones that I met. I go home tomorrow for family festivities and am home until Justin and Maureen's party. I can't wait to go home. I miss the fam and the Izzy. Plus I'll probably squeeze into my dad's office to make some money too.
So, I love the snow. Hate the hail but love the snow. However, my window is currently leaking because of the snow on the roof (I'm on the top floor.) Now, when I first moved in, this would have bothered me to no end. Now, I am so much more relaxed. I am leaving tomorrow and will move my stuff far away from the area. I have buckets, and Joc will be here to check in on things. They will fix it. I love my apartment for everything but this stuff. Oh well. C'est la vie. (Note to those of you who have known me for a long period of time: You should be excited by my new found decreased stress and anxiety approach to this. My mind isn't completely freaking out. Who knew it was possible?
So we're supposed to go towards New Years with resolutions. I don't believe in resolutions because no one ever keeps to them. I do, however, hope for one thing: to have a better 2009 than 2008. Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of great moments in 2008 (mostly in the past 4 months,) but I also hit a new low this year which I would rather not return to in '09. So my goal (or resolution) is to take care of myself so that I don't return to that place (and if I do find myself returning, to try not to burn bridges along the way.)
Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Year!
Current mood:  hopeful Current music: Christmas Dreams
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tomorrow is my last day at work. Granted, I hate my job, generally. I get screamed at a lot and I work my ass off all day long. Not to mention the stress. But many of the ppeople in that office are like my family. I can't imagine not seeing them everyday. It's going to be so sad. One of the drug reps is taking everyone out for drinks tomorrow night which will be very fun. It's also strange to try to finish so many things that I have been doing...I'm going to miss so much....
Then there's the fact that I'm becoming more and more nervous about NYC and school. Still looking for an apartment, and it makes me crazy. I'm having trouble sleeping, and my neck has started to hurt from the stress. Boo.
On the up side, I'm going to Cape May tomorrow for two weeks...course I will probably need to come up at some point and look at some places. I'm excited to read on the beach, though...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Today is the one year anniversary. And I'm actually doing alright.
This weekend I went to Amy and Jay's for Jay's B-day bash, and it was fabulous. I am very happy to see Amy looking so well and keeping Jay on his toes. It was very nice to see people and catch up on everyone's news. I was able to have a lot of good/interesting conversations with people, which is something I have missed. It's rough when you only see people every few months. Of course all of that will change in September because I'M GOING TO NYC!!!! And I must have many visitors! I'm so excited for this program and being on my own again. And as I mentioned, I will be near people again.
I go to Orlando next weekend to crash with my mom and sister while my sister plays in Nationals. I, of course, will be going Disney crazy because it is awesome beyond words. So excited! I am such a dork, but I love the escapism of Disney. Plus when I get back, I have 2 more weeks of work before the end and the shore.
Have I mentioned how happy I will be to leave Haverford Medical Associates? I mean, I love many of the people (Erin especially,) but aside being hugely stressful, it is not a good idea to work with your dad. Plus people around here are so spoiled that they demand everything immediately and are generally stupid and irritating. Argh!!! Don't let me start. I am so not a people person. I will give the past year one important development...actually 2. The first is that I have become much better at conversing with people I don't know. Granted I'm still not good with eye contact, and I still have my "you're an idiot and I'm not listening" face, but I can actually hold a convo with someone I don't know. I can do small-talk!!! Now, I know this sounds stupid, but it is actually huge for me. I hate small-talk and generally suck at it, but I've gotten better. The second really good development this year is that I have developed an awesome relationship with my sister, who is growing out of her teen bitchiness. It's good to know that we're friends.
Alright, this was so much longer than I meant for it to be. It was good to see everyone!
Current music: Law and Order CI Theme
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
My final recommendation has finally been submitted by one lax prof for graduate school. Now I get to wait and freak that I'm not good enough. Nothing really new at my end. I'm trying to get into better shape, my job is generally stressful and irritating (except I love Erin.) Trying to read a lot and catch up on all of my arts magazines. Life is pretty good. Oh, and basketball sucks. Really sucks. Hope everyone is well. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
10:07PM
Some vindictive, horrible family is suing my dad for malpractice. My dad is a lot of things, but he is a well loved, respected, and caring doctor, and he would never take less than superb care of any patient. The man who died had frontal lobe dementia (essentially really fast acting and wretched) and was very difficult, and now the family wants someone to blame. How can we live in a country where they can drag a man who has been practicing for 20 years with no suits threw the mud over nothing. My dad is wrecked. This woman was horribly rude and cruel to him at the mediation meeting today. What do people think doctors can give them anyway? I understand, my child was born with such and such because of you or you gave me blood and now I have AIDS, but a man who was so dilapidated that he was in a nursing home and couldn't remember his own name? Did she want a miracle? Did she want a doctor to check in on him every five minutes? Guess what! You can have that for about $5,000 a year, and the fact that my dad hasn't sold out and become boutique is a testament to the kind of person he is, and now he's being sued. Seriously. It doesn't even matter if he wins because his malpractice insurance will go up anyway (PA is already one of the highest in the nation which is why all of the internal med guys are leaving), and he will have to pay a lawyer (just like the wretched one who is bringing the suit.) Ok, enough moaning. Thanksgiving tomorrow. A time for family and being thankful for what we have. I am thankful, just mad.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!
Monday, July 16, 2007
11:51PM
Does the fact that I forgot that Harry Potter was coming out this week mean I've lost touch with the world?
Thursday, April 26, 2007
12:47PM
I picked up my graduation tickets yesterday and senior week tickets today. Damn.
Friday, March 30, 2007
For the record, whether or not people believe me, that post was directed at people in general. I had an enlightening conversation with a friend last night, and I wanted to post my feelings on the issue. Basically they were ramblings, but they were about starting with a clean slate and trying to mend walls, not about bashing of other people. Believe me or not.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Mean Girls is an amusing teen movie about high school girls, but it has a really good point: everyone badmouths everyone else. But what would happen if you could hear everything that is said about you? Would you want to? Would there be any friends left in the world? Who hasn’t talked about someone else behind his or her back? I’m talking about any comment whatsoever, be it exaggerated or not. Based in fact or not. Granted, sometimes you just need to rant and say things in the heat of the moment, but have you ever thought about what you said? Would you take it back? So are we still friends, even if we all talk about each other? When is it discussion or letting off steam versus gossip or out right lies? Do you need to have bad intentions behind it for it to be a truly derogatory statement? Can anyone claim innocence in this matter? And if you can, you’re lying to yourself. I’ve been guilty of it on more than one occasion.
So, do we grow out of this bashing naturally or do we have to really make an effort? When are we going to make this effort? When are we going to take responsibility for the mistakes that we’ve all made and find some middle ground? Granted, maybe we weren’t all meant to stay friends. It might just be too much to ask. But common decency all around? That’s not too much.
I’m not really religious and Lent is almost over, but I’m going to go on my own abstention: I’m going to make a real effort to avoid “word vomit.” Maybe the trend will catch on, and we can be a little happier. After all, we have enough stress in our lives without letting hearsay add to it.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tiffany got into NYU Grad, and Lindsay got into Suffolk Law School. Yay!!!! They are so awesome!!!!
Monday, February 26, 2007
9:51AM
I'm sorry I made a mistake. What else can I say?
In other news, my puppy is the cutest dog ever and the light of my life.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
MY FAMILY GOT A NEW PUPPY OVER THE WEEKEND!!!! She is so cute! Her name is Izzy, and I am completely in love with her (event though I haven't met her yet.) Hopefully I'll get home within the next few weeks to visit with her a bit. It's amazing how you can fall in love with a dog from a picture.
In other news, life is going well. No I don't want to talk about Senior Year, spring semester, but other than that, it's all good. At the moment, I'm avoiding doing my Buddhism Seminar readings, but I should probably get back to work. Can't wait to see my puppy!
Current mood: ecstatic
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
I have not posted in a while, but I feel the need to be excited about a few things.
1) Chris and I had an awesome day in NYC on Saturday for our anniversary!!! We also had dinner across from Alan Rickman. SO COOL.
2) My killer two weeks are over so I've been relaxing. I should really get started on some projects, but I'm also enjoying the whole not doing anything thing.
3) Tonight is bad TV night. Always a good thing.
4) My roommates are awesome and I got so lucky. Nuff said.
5) (and most important) Santorum got voted out and my state has redeemed itself!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically I'm doing pretty well. Sick at the moment, but doing pretty well. It's nice to be happy.
Current music: Lady Marmalade
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